https://www.changeville.ca/#/helping-bc-kids-with-parental-divorce-or-separation
The possible personality disorder traits of the pathological parent that are displayed in the symptom presentation of the child include the following:
DSM-IV TR Borderline Criterion 2: “A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation” (Childress: the child perceives the narcissistic-‐pathological parent as the “all-‐good” idealized parent and the normal-‐healthy rejected-‐abandoned parent as the “all bad” devalued parent. The child displays extreme, black-‐and-‐white, thinking)
DSM -IV TR Narcissistic Criterion 7: “Lacks empathy, is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others” (Childress: the child shows a surprisingly callous disregard for the feelings of the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent)
DSM -IV TR Narcissistic Criterion 5: “Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations”
(Childress: the child has an expectation of special treatment from the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent, and will retaliate toward the rejected-‐abandoned parent if these entitlement expectations are not met. The child uses the failure by the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent to meet these entitlement expectations as justification for the child’s rejection-‐abandonment of that parent)
DSM -IV TR Narcissistic Criterion 1: “Has a grandiose sense of self-‐importance” (Childress: the child sits in judgment of the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent, and judges that parent to be inadequate as a person. This represents an inversion of the normal parent-‐child hierarchy in normal family processes, in which parents judge children’s behavior as appropriate or inappropriate and take suitable supportive or corrective parental action)
DSM -IV TR Borderline Criterion 8: “Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)” (Childress: the child is verbally abusive toward the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent that “takes the form of oral vituperation and argumentativeness. This may be seen in a flow of irrational and caustic comments in which [the targeted rejected-‐ abandoned parent is] upbraided and denounced as stupid and beneath contempt”)
DSM -IV TR Borderline Criterion 6: “Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and on ly rarely more than a few days)” (Childress: the child may display intense episodic anxiety (or sadness, or anger) at the scheduled transfer of visitation-‐custody to the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent)
DSM -IV TR Paranoid Criterion 1: “Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her” (Childress: the child reports that the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent is abusive in some way. The specifics are typically vague or superficial and are not compelling, reflecting the paranoid origins of the belief, i.e., “without sufficient basis”)
DSM -IV TR Paranoid Criterion 5: “Persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights” (Childress: the child staunchly and inflexibly maintains grudges against the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent, and is entirely and inflexibly unforgiving regarding what the child perceives as past wrongs done by the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent. This process includes the grandiose judgment by the child of the rejected-‐ abandoned parent as fundamentally inadequate as parent, for which the child then expresses a continued righteous justification for retaliating toward the judged parental failure)
DSM-IV TR Paranoid Criterion 3: “Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her” (Childress: the child withholds self-‐disclosures from the targeted rejected-‐ abandoned parent. The child may not engage in normal-‐range reporting on daily events or disclose to the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent regarding school events or extracurricular activities and interests)
DSM -IV TR Paranoid Criterion 4: “Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events” (Childress: the child quickly over-‐reacts to perceived slights from the targeted rejected-‐abandoned parent, and may become excessively angry, evidenced in “arrogant grandiosity characterized by verbal attacks and bombast” and “a flow of irrational and caustic comments in which upbraided and denounced as stupid and beneath contempt)
